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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were drawn to him. It shocked her. She made increased attention toward our bond, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several of her friends vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for some time. I tried to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I have ended a month there she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever understand the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Next is to express her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Finally involves requesting how the two of you can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject all you say, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they trust. It's tough as there is no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out like this then consider on your words. If you never reach a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been honest with her.