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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?